The Cost of Community
A few years ago, I was here in this sanctuary during our 21 days of prayer and fasting. It was one of our weeknight prayer meetings, and I was walking around the sanctuary during worship in a moment of reflection. I asked the Lord, “How do people keep their hearts burning? How do they stay passionate?” I loved the Lord. I loved to worship God and pray. I loved His word. I had devoted my life to Him and did my very best to keep His standards. But I still had times when I felt… lukewarm. Complacent. Dry. When I asked this, I expected the Lord to say, “Those people pray more, read their Bible more, and worship more.” Instead, He said one word: community.
That one word was revelation to me. It opened my eyes to a new perspective – I needed people to keep my fire burning.
That’s what I want to talk about today – community.
Specifically, I want to talk about the cost of community.
_________________________
Let’s talk about what happens when we’re outside of community.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
In 1 Peter 5:8, Peter tells us that our enemy, the devil, roams around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
When you’re by yourself, you’re susceptible to the schemes of the devil.
Like I said last time, the devil be scheming, and you may think you know all his tricks and are good, but let me just give you this to think about.
The devil’s been around a long time.
He knows you. He knows your parents. He knows their parents. And their parents. And on and on and on.
Not because he’s all knowing or all powerful and anything that matches God. But just because he’s been around a long time. I don’t pretend to know a lot about angels or fallen angels, but I think we can reason that the devil knows your family history – he’s been roaming the earth and watching. You may not know who your ancestors are, but he does. He’s tempted them all. He knows what worked on them all down through your family line.
He knows what’s hard for you to discern as a spiritual attack – that’s why you deal with the same thing over and over again. That’s why you can’t get free.
You need someone who is going to stand back to back with you.
Because you’re susceptible to the attacks of the enemy when you’re alone.
_________________________
So what happens when you’re in community?
Let’s look at a community in the Bible.
Turn in your Bibles to Acts 2:44-47
“And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.”
Let’s read Acts 4:32-35 now.
“All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. 33 The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God’s great blessing was upon them all. 34 There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them 35 and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.”
So what happens in God-honoring community?
People start taking care of one another.
They start getting together regularly – outside of just when the apostles preached.
They take communion in each others’ homes.
They share meals together – with joy and generosity. Not grumbling and complaining.
We were made to be this kind of community.
I’m not suggesting that we all need to do exactly what these believers did, but I do want to suggest that we adopt the heart behind their actions.
_________________________
We love the idea of it.
Even unbelievers love the idea of a “village”.
We pray for it. We long for it. We complain when we don’t have it.
But very few people stop to ask the harder question:
What does community actually cost?
It costs:
It’s not just attending church.
It’s not sitting in the same room once a week or twice a week.
Real community is work.
It’s working through messes.
It’s getting close enough for people to hurt you.
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that community should be easy.
That if it’s of-God, it should come naturally.
That if it’s meant to be, it shouldn’t inconvenience me.
That if people really loved us, they wouldn’t hurt us.
That’s what culture tries to sell us.
Culture tells us:
Protect your peace at all costs
Have boundaries and cut people off quickly
Don’t let anyone inconvenience you
Keep your circle small and surface-level
But Scripture tells us:
Prefer one another
Philippians 2:3-4 – “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Bear one another’s burdens and make allowances for each other's faults
Galatians 6:2 – “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”
Be patient, humble, gentle & make allowances for one another’s faults
Ephesians 4:2 – “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”
Culture diagnoses everything as burnout, trauma, or personality.
Sometimes that’s true.
But sometimes it’s actually pride, fear, or self-protection.
And if the heart issue isn’t addressed, community will always feel like a burden instead of a blessing.
Jesus said, “12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12-13)
Jesus, our example.
A good, healthy, God honoring community has a cost.
The community that’s going to help you when you’re down, protect you when you’re vulnerable, and strengthen you when you’re weak comes at a cost.
It’s in community that iron sharpens iron. It’s in community that the fruits of the spirit grow. You can’t be sharpened unless you come up against something that cuts on you a bit. Fruit can’t grow unless a seed goes into the ground and dies first.
Listen, I’m not trying to talk down to anyone or make anyone feel bad.
This message isn’t a passive aggressive message about anyone.
This is coming from the last two years of the Lord showing me my own issues.
For most of my life, I’ve kept people out of my head and out of my heart.
And because of that, I went through a lot of really hard things alone.
Not because I didn’t have people who cared—
but because I wasn’t willing to open up.
I wasn’t willing to show people my weaknesses.
And that caused me to feel like no one really knew me.
In my head
They didn’t know the things that I had been through.
They didn’t know what I was dealing with in the moment.
They only knew what I chose to show them – which was void of the deepest parts of me.
Part of me was sad about that
But part of me took pride in it.
I told myself that people wouldn’t understand.
I told myself that all I needed was the Holy Spirit, my counselor.
But the truth?
I was just afraid. I was afraid of being rejected. I was afraid of being misunderstood. I was afraid of being abandoned. That if someone really saw what was going on in my head and in my nasty heart, they wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.
It sounds silly to say it out loud. Of course they wouldn’t abandon me. Of course they wouldn’t judge me for not being perfect. Of course they wouldn’t be annoyed at me for my weaknesses.
But that’s part of the devils schemes – to get you away from people and keep you away by telling you nasty little lies. And unless you bring those lies out into the light where everyone can see, they’ll keep bombarding your mind.
God never designed us to do life alone. He said it in the beginning, “It’s not good for man to be alone.”
So hear me when I say, like Drew says all the time, I am not saying all of these things from perfection. I’m still working on a lot of this, and I still mess it up.
But take it from someone who has tried to do life alone.
There’s a better way.
Community comes at a cost, but it is worth it. You just have to decide if you’re willing to pay it.
Are you willing to show up when you don’t feel like it?
Are you willing to inconvenience yourself for someone else?
Are you willing to open up and let someone see you?
That one word was revelation to me. It opened my eyes to a new perspective – I needed people to keep my fire burning.
That’s what I want to talk about today – community.
Specifically, I want to talk about the cost of community.
_________________________
Let’s talk about what happens when we’re outside of community.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
In 1 Peter 5:8, Peter tells us that our enemy, the devil, roams around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
When you’re by yourself, you’re susceptible to the schemes of the devil.
Like I said last time, the devil be scheming, and you may think you know all his tricks and are good, but let me just give you this to think about.
The devil’s been around a long time.
He knows you. He knows your parents. He knows their parents. And their parents. And on and on and on.
Not because he’s all knowing or all powerful and anything that matches God. But just because he’s been around a long time. I don’t pretend to know a lot about angels or fallen angels, but I think we can reason that the devil knows your family history – he’s been roaming the earth and watching. You may not know who your ancestors are, but he does. He’s tempted them all. He knows what worked on them all down through your family line.
He knows what’s hard for you to discern as a spiritual attack – that’s why you deal with the same thing over and over again. That’s why you can’t get free.
You need someone who is going to stand back to back with you.
Because you’re susceptible to the attacks of the enemy when you’re alone.
_________________________
So what happens when you’re in community?
Let’s look at a community in the Bible.
Turn in your Bibles to Acts 2:44-47
“And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity — all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.”
Let’s read Acts 4:32-35 now.
“All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. 33 The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God’s great blessing was upon them all. 34 There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them 35 and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.”
So what happens in God-honoring community?
People start taking care of one another.
They start getting together regularly – outside of just when the apostles preached.
They take communion in each others’ homes.
They share meals together – with joy and generosity. Not grumbling and complaining.
We were made to be this kind of community.
I’m not suggesting that we all need to do exactly what these believers did, but I do want to suggest that we adopt the heart behind their actions.
_________________________
We love the idea of it.
Even unbelievers love the idea of a “village”.
We pray for it. We long for it. We complain when we don’t have it.
But very few people stop to ask the harder question:
What does community actually cost?
It costs:
- Inconvenience – community is inconvenient.
- You want to enjoy your Saturday at home, but one of your friend’s kids has a birthday party – that’s inconvenient.
- You’re about to settle in for the night and start watching your favorite tv show, but your friend is calling you and needs help – that’s inconvenient.
- It’s raining outside and you’ve had a long day, but you were invited to an event – that’s inconvenient.
- If you’re always focused on you, anything and everything will always be inconvenient.
- But every time you show up for your friends, that strengthens your community.
- Every time you show up, that tells people that you care.
- Faithfulness
- When you say you’re going to do something, do it.
- When you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there.
- People learn whether or not they can count on you, and it’s important that they feel like they can in a strong community.
- Loyalty
- You have to be in your friend’s corner.
- When someone comes talking crap about them, either defend them or tell that person that they should talk to them about it.
- Don’t just listen and move on.
- And definitely don’t join in on talking crap.
- Be in their corner.
- Commitment
- We all make mistakes.
- We all go through things that can make us hard to deal with sometimes.
- When your friend is going through something, don’t just drop them.
- When they’re in a really rough season of life, and maybe they’re really negative or ungrateful or whatever may grate on you – don’t write them off and have bitterness in your heart towards them.
- Talk to them. Talk about what you’re seeing. Pray for them.
- So many friendships end because one person is going through something for a time, and the other person aborts instead of sticking through it.
- Do you want someone to write you off when you’re going through something?
- No, so don’t do that to someone else.
- Vulnerability/Honesty
- This one can be very hard for me, and it’s something I’ve been intentionally working on.
- I know that I’m not the only one here who struggles in this area.
- You gotta open up.
- You gotta let people into your head.
- You gotta tell people when you’re struggling.
- You gotta let people see you when you’re not perfect.
- You’re gonna have to let people see you cry and get mad.
- I know, I hate it.
- Servanthood
- If you’re not serving your friends, you’re not doing it right.
- In John 13, Jesus washes his disciples’ feet.
- After he does this, He says, “And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. 15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”
- Jesus gave us an example – we don’t just serve our leaders. We serve our friends, too.
- And when we can serve with our friends, that builds community, too.
- Accountability
- When you’re in community, you’re accountable to one another.
- The people around should be able to tell you what they see, and you should be able to tell them what you see – always in love and for their betterment.
- Consistency
- This is the part I hear people start giving up.
- I hear it all the time – I did that. I showed up to everything. I served. I put myself out there.
- Good. Keep doing it.
- Relationships take time to build.
- Where you stop is where you stop.
- Sharing your daily
- I’ve only within the last couple of years realized how vital this is to building community.
- Just like the early church spent time together daily, we need to be sharing our lives with our people daily.
- Thankfully, we have technology now, so it makes this 100x easier for us to do.
- What I mean by this is you need people who you can call or marco polo and ask what they’re cooking for dinner.
- You need people to just chat with – talk about the kids, talk about the dogs, talk about what you’re doing for the week or what books/shows you’ve been into. Talk about what podcasts you’ve been listening to. Ask what they think about this or that.
- I think we’re conditioned to only share the big things in our lives with one another. We don’t think people will care about the new clothes you just got or how many times you had to scrub your floor to get the paint you spilled out of the cracks.
- We get satisfied with being an emergency friend – a friend only there for you during emergencies. You’ll move mountains for someone during an emergency and show up in a crisis, but you don’t really reach out any other time. Because keeping up with someone consistently can be a lot, so it’s easier to just be there when they need you.
- But when you show your friends the normal, mundane, not in any way extravagant parts of your life, they connect with you more and that strengthens your community.
- And they begin to share their lives with you, and you’ll probably get to be there for one another before the emergencies even happen.
It’s not just attending church.
It’s not sitting in the same room once a week or twice a week.
Real community is work.
It’s working through messes.
It’s getting close enough for people to hurt you.
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that community should be easy.
That if it’s of-God, it should come naturally.
That if it’s meant to be, it shouldn’t inconvenience me.
That if people really loved us, they wouldn’t hurt us.
That’s what culture tries to sell us.
Culture tells us:
Protect your peace at all costs
Have boundaries and cut people off quickly
Don’t let anyone inconvenience you
Keep your circle small and surface-level
But Scripture tells us:
Prefer one another
Philippians 2:3-4 – “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Bear one another’s burdens and make allowances for each other's faults
Galatians 6:2 – “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”
Be patient, humble, gentle & make allowances for one another’s faults
Ephesians 4:2 – “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”
Culture diagnoses everything as burnout, trauma, or personality.
Sometimes that’s true.
But sometimes it’s actually pride, fear, or self-protection.
And if the heart issue isn’t addressed, community will always feel like a burden instead of a blessing.
Jesus said, “12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12-13)
Jesus, our example.
A good, healthy, God honoring community has a cost.
The community that’s going to help you when you’re down, protect you when you’re vulnerable, and strengthen you when you’re weak comes at a cost.
It’s in community that iron sharpens iron. It’s in community that the fruits of the spirit grow. You can’t be sharpened unless you come up against something that cuts on you a bit. Fruit can’t grow unless a seed goes into the ground and dies first.
Listen, I’m not trying to talk down to anyone or make anyone feel bad.
This message isn’t a passive aggressive message about anyone.
This is coming from the last two years of the Lord showing me my own issues.
For most of my life, I’ve kept people out of my head and out of my heart.
And because of that, I went through a lot of really hard things alone.
Not because I didn’t have people who cared—
but because I wasn’t willing to open up.
I wasn’t willing to show people my weaknesses.
And that caused me to feel like no one really knew me.
In my head
They didn’t know the things that I had been through.
They didn’t know what I was dealing with in the moment.
They only knew what I chose to show them – which was void of the deepest parts of me.
Part of me was sad about that
But part of me took pride in it.
I told myself that people wouldn’t understand.
I told myself that all I needed was the Holy Spirit, my counselor.
But the truth?
I was just afraid. I was afraid of being rejected. I was afraid of being misunderstood. I was afraid of being abandoned. That if someone really saw what was going on in my head and in my nasty heart, they wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.
It sounds silly to say it out loud. Of course they wouldn’t abandon me. Of course they wouldn’t judge me for not being perfect. Of course they wouldn’t be annoyed at me for my weaknesses.
But that’s part of the devils schemes – to get you away from people and keep you away by telling you nasty little lies. And unless you bring those lies out into the light where everyone can see, they’ll keep bombarding your mind.
God never designed us to do life alone. He said it in the beginning, “It’s not good for man to be alone.”
So hear me when I say, like Drew says all the time, I am not saying all of these things from perfection. I’m still working on a lot of this, and I still mess it up.
But take it from someone who has tried to do life alone.
There’s a better way.
Community comes at a cost, but it is worth it. You just have to decide if you’re willing to pay it.
Are you willing to show up when you don’t feel like it?
Are you willing to inconvenience yourself for someone else?
Are you willing to open up and let someone see you?
No Comments